What does bad look like?
The NHS is a world leader in the use of hackneyed phrases, gobbledygook and jargon. Where plain English words are not up to the job – and let’s face it, they rarely are - we invent brilliant new ones.
The NHS is particularly adept at producing euphemisms, because as we know, the main point of communication is to avoid causing offence. Meaning and clarity are at best secondary considerations.
NHS organisations make the shortlist of The Plain English Campaign’s “Golden Bull” award scheme every year. Four NHS organisations were among the last ten entries for the “worst written nonsense” in 2012. Well done to you all.
Cheshire Warrington and Wirral Commissioning Support Service was nominated for a passage containing this example: “Building in equality and risk impact assessments the options are taken through a process to arrive at the content for an output based specification and benefits foreseen as a result of the implementation.”
NHS Norfolk and Waveney’s nomination is down to this little beauty: “[We] apply a negative financial uplift to the out-turn value of all our supplier contracts” – a poignant reminder of the negative uplift to the out-turn value of the English language caused by the passing of PCTs.
To celebrate the NHS’s sixty-fifth birthday NHS Networks has compiled a list of the top terms found in reports, policy documents and overarching strategic plans.
Send us your examples of world-class NHS guff (or just paste them into the comment box below). The sender of the best entry will get a copy of Lynne Truss’s disgracefully jargon-free bestseller Eats, Shoots and Leaves.
Let us know if we’ve left any of your favourites off our list.
GLOSSARY OF NHS-SPEAK
What does good look like? – a useful warm-up question for anyone preparing to think out of the box
Overarching – never rely on a mere strategy or try to muddle through with something as basic as a plan
Hard to reach – remote or disadvantaged members of society lurking at the back of cupboard or left on a high shelf
Tick-box exercise – survey your team regularly to make sure they are not wasting their time on these
In the driving seat – where everyone needs to be, however crowded and dangerous it becomes
Taking ownership of problems – a chance to get to know your problems before (or instead of) tackling them
Patient-centred care – useful reminder of what we do for anyone prone to lapses of concentration on the ward or in the operating theatre
Going forward – adds a sense of purpose to the idea of getting around to something at some point
Direction of travel – replaces the outmoded concept of a destination: it’s where you’re heading that counts
Transformational change – when ordinary change simply won’t cut it
Evidence-based – no sentence containing the word “decision” is complete without it
Clinical leadership – the special leadership only a fellow doctor can provide
Lifted and shifted – what most industries do with cargo, the NHS does with humans
Joined-up thinking – something to aspire to when you’ve mastered joined-up writing and joined-up shoelaces
Reinvent the wheel – thanks to this phrase you won’t ever need to
Editor: Julian Patterson
