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The C-suite smell of success: Blithering jobs

 
Thursday, 23 November 2017

The C-suite smell of success: Blithering jobs

Are you hungry for your next challenging role? Do you have an unblemished record of transformation? Do you see yourself as a key player in a winning team passionate about delivering success? Are you ready to share your wide range of experience and unique skillset in a highly dynamic, outcomes-focused environment?

Are you a values-based leader with several unexplained gaps in your CV? Was that story about you in the HSJ “riddled with inaccuracies”? Were you the victim of a witch hunt by the board? Are you banking on the fact that our head of HR is on maternity leave and unable to make background checks?

If the answer to any of these questions is “Great, when do I start?” we’d love to talk to you about one or more of the several exciting opportunities in the Blithering Accountable Care System (BACS), which have been made possible by the recent decision by NHS England and NHS Improvement to refresh our management team.

Short-listed candidates for all the posts listed below will be invited to take part in interview-style scenarios by Skype. Dates and times to be advised.

Nuancing lead

Urgently required to lead our evolution from a legacy sustainability and transformation partnership (STP) to an innovative accountable care system (ACS). Must have degree-level or higher qualifications in emphasis and acronym development. Would suit obfuscator (level III and above) seeking next steps. Reports to the regional director of naming and semantics.

Head of alignment

Do you have a proven track-record of positioning gained in a healthcare organisation or other complex environment? This critical role involves the 360-degree coordination of strategic priorities across a range of key stakeholder organisations to enable joined-up values at scale.

Deputy associate director of delivery

A key operational role responsible for all aspects of delivery of our strategic objectives. The successful candidate will have world-class report writing and Powerpoint skills and in-depth experience of place-based population health, preferably gained in a back-office role. Reports to the director of aspiration.

Director of aspiration

You will head up the future achievement task force, linking with the horizon scanning and new thinking teams. The director of aspiration is responsible for all elements of success planning and long-range transformation mapping, and will also be required to secure new sources of funding working closely with the associate director of magic and the regional head of smoke and mirrors.

Deputy director of impact

Responsible for impactfulness assessment and evaluation, the deputy director of impact is jointly accountable with the head of initiatives for all non-clinical patient facing programmes including the ground-breaking Blithering Citizen virtual involvement space and the Your Voice Really Counts Facebook page.

Financial envelope manager

Reporting to the director of finance, the financial envelope manager plays a critical role in the achievement of financial targets, including meeting our system control totals. Duties include timely interception and hiding of invoices from suppliers and creative accounting to the highest standards. Knowledge of HMRC rules desirable but not essential.

Suites and toolkits refresher

To keep up with the unprecedented demand for new resources, the head of frameworks has created the post of suites and toolkits refresher. The successful candidate will be responsible for refreshing all existing resources and for co-producing a range of online guidance, manuals and tools to enable users to navigate our extensive back-catalogue of strategic materials.  

Communications lead

The successful candidate will be a world-class communicator able to produce crisp, clear clichés to tight deadlines.

Head of difficult conversations

This role involves explaining to patients, carers, the public and the media why services are getting worse, why health professionals are stressed to breaking point, why people will have to wait longer for operations, why they can’t see a GP and what the government and NHS leaders are doing about it. Part-time Band 5 role reporting to the chief accountable officer (appointment pending). 

Careers editor: Julian Patterson

@jtweeterson
julian.patterson@networks.nhs.uk

 
Colin Hingston
Colin Hingston says:
Nov 24, 2017 08:11 AM

World-class, transformative and impactful. The NHS definitely needs more obfuscatory language, going forward...
Well-summarised, JP. A depressingly-plausible cascade of healthcare management-speak.

alasdair mcewan
alasdair mcewan says:
Nov 24, 2017 09:45 AM

Chillingly real. Well done a perfect pastiche of how it is out there.

Anonymous says:
Dec 04, 2017 03:26 PM

This would be funny if it wasn't true!

Julian Patterson
Julian Patterson says:
Dec 04, 2017 04:41 PM

Can't it be funny and true?

Anonymous says:
Dec 15, 2017 11:21 AM

I think I know someone in my chain of command who has applied for, and been successfully recruited to, all these posts except the last (they've never felt the need to be in a Band 5 role). As a contractor focusing on key stand-alone projects, they will also be receiving remuneration commensurate with responsibility and experience, i.e. top whack for each role contemporaneously.

Anonymous says:
Jan 09, 2018 02:40 PM

Funny can be true....let's face it, if we can't laugh about what's happening, we might as well sit in the ED car park rocking in a chair!!!!!