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The fine line between stupid and clever


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Thursday, 15 June 2017

The fine line between stupid and clever

NHS England’s legendary lead guitarist Simon Stevens has announced the first eight areas to be designated “accountable care systems”.

(With apologies to the makers of Spinal Tap.)

Simon Tufnel: The numbers on this accountable care system all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and…

Interviewer: Oh, I see. And most vanguards go up to ten?

Simon Tufnel: Exactly!

Interviewer: Does that mean it’s any louder. Is it any louder?

Simon Tufnel: Well, it’s one louder, isn’t it? It’s not ten. Most blokes, you know, will be playing at ten. You’re on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you’re on ten on your vanguard. Where can you go from there? Where?

Interviewer: I don’t know.

Simon Tufnel: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?

Interviewer: Put it up to eleven.

Simon Tufnel: Exactly. One louder.

Interviewer: Why don’t you just make vanguards louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?

Simon Tufnel [pause]: These go to eleven.

Next week: The New Originals plan a comeback tour.

Music editor: Julian St Hubbins