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New outfit more splendidly integrated than ever

 

Blog headlines

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    29 November 2019

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  • New outfit more splendidly integrated than ever
    21 November 2019

    The emperor has announced plans for yet another new outfit, amid claims that this one will be even more splendid than the last.

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    5 September 2019

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Thursday, 21 November 2019

New outfit more splendidly integrated than ever

The emperor has announced plans for yet another new outfit, amid claims that this one will be even more splendid than the last.

Announcing a refreshed and updated version of the emperor’s wardrobe, a palace spokesman declared that this time it was “confident of complete coverage of his imperial majesty –you definitely won’t be able to see the cracks”.

The emperor’s newer clothes (ENC2) build on the success of his previous outfit, the Five Year Fabulous Vestments, derided by some as flimsy and by others as non-existent.

“The FYFV described our vision of the emperor’s wardrobe. It was never intended as an outfit as such, more a statement of sartorial intent. Those who had accused the emperor of being cloaked in secrecy were among the first to complain of too much transparency. When it comes to imperial fashion, it’s impossible to please everyone,” the palace spokesman said.

Long-term yarn

The new imperial clothing system (ICS) is being fashioned by Simon, a humble tailor with a reputation for stitching up Counting House officials, from a durable material of his own invention known as long-term yarn. This is made from threads of unicorn hair so fine that they fall apart under scrutiny, but which can be used to make dazzling and fantastical garments that appear to last forever when spun with sufficient skill.

The palace has taken the unprecedented step of releasing details of the emperor’s new outfit, which includes a tastefully embroidered topcoat suitable for meaningful collaboration with local authority officials and other commoners, Sustainability and Transformation Pants (STP) – described by the palace as “great strides for taking next steps” – and the Integrated Cod-piece (ICP), an ornate, protective covering for the imperial “place”.

The outfit is completed by patent leather Scalable Shoes built for pace and able to adapt to any footprint, and a magic hat known as the Spending Cap which enables the wearer to do infinitely more with ever fewer gold pieces.

Fashion editor: Julian Patterson

julian.patterson@networks.nhs.uk
@NHSnetworks

 
Judy Aldred
Judy Aldred says:
Nov 21, 2019 04:44 PM

Bloody love it!

Dr. Aarti Narayan-Denning
Dr. Aarti Narayan-Denning says:
Nov 22, 2019 09:39 AM

Perfection itself. All that is left to do is for the managers to write the sacred scrolls underpinning the long term yarns. They ought to use unicorn jizz as ink for extreme gravitas and to include the toddler to 10 years age group ie our future.

Anonymous says:
Nov 22, 2019 10:09 AM

Very good. How does mini Matt feel about it? *Hint* more MH's diary please!

Jeff Hudson
Jeff Hudson says:
Nov 22, 2019 10:16 AM

Bang on brilliance.
You only neglected to mention that tinkering tailor Simon has promised to do this larger piece of work with a 20% discount. Most of his seamstresses are now busy trying to find a new job. Unfortunately it seems he's getting shot of the ones that actually own a needle and know how to sow..

pam enderby
pam enderby says:
Nov 24, 2019 12:02 PM

Best ever---I'd vote for JP!

Chris Jackson
Chris Jackson says:
Nov 25, 2019 11:21 AM

Naked brilliance!