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New outfit more splendidly integrated than ever


Blog headlines

  • Link of the week
    9 July 2020

    This week we are sharing a blog from the NHS Confederation’s “ NHS Reset” looking at the work of Healthwatch, the role of volunteers in supporting patients being discharged from hospital and the importance of the community.

  • Virtual education sessions on spinal cord injury from Spinal Injuries Association
    2 July 2020

    This week Karen Mikalsen from the Spinal Injuries Association shares some information on their work and events for healthcare professionals.

  • Guest blog:Karen Chumley
    25 June 2020

    Thank you to Karen Chumley for a second blog –this time on the local use of an Electronic Palliative Care Coordination system during the Covid-19 pandemic. Karen is the Clinical Director and Deputy CEO at St Helena.

  • Link of the week
    19 June 2020

    This week's link of the week is article by Yasmin Khanagha published in Nursing Times – Why we need to open the conversation about racism.

  • Guest blog: Dr Karen Chumbley
    12 June 2020

    This week we have a guest blog submitted by Dr Karen Chumbley, clinical director and deputy chief executive at St Helena (https://www.sthelena.org.uk/)

  • Social care to become lifestyle brand
    16 April 2020

    Social care is to get a new brand identity as the government seeks to reverse the perception that it is the poor relation of the NHS.

  • Blithering Covid-19 bulletin plays vital role
    2 April 2020

    To fill a gap in the market for timely and relevant Covid-19 information, Martin Plackard, director of global crisis communications at NHS Blithering introduces his latest initiative to reach out to stakeholders during the outbreak.

  • Social distancing the Longstay way
    27 March 2020

    We asked Sir Trevor Longstay, chief executive of the NHS Blithering University Hospitals Foundation Trust and commander-in-chief of the Blithering Covid-19 Taskforce to give us some practical tips on social distancing. Here he shares some of the lessons learned over four decades of leadership – not all of them relevant or epidemiologically sound

  • Nothing left to shift: fears grow over NHS paradigm supply
    12 March 2020

    The government has issued a stark warning that stocks of paradigms and other basic supplies could soon run out if NHS managers continue panic-buying.

  • Matt Hancock’s diary – a week of levelling up
    27 February 2020

    Taking personal charge of global pandemics is one of the perks of this job. I’m referring to coronavirus, of course, and I’m booked to appear on Sky News to talk about it.

  • Exceeding your expectations: the Blithering staff survey
    20 February 2020

    Staff at NHS Blithering feel listened to “at least once a year” and report that their expectations of taking part in surveys have been “met” or “exceeded” in the past 12 months.

  • Martin Plackard’s week: Tuesday
    7 February 2020

    The second in our series of privileged insights to the working life of Martin Plackard, the NHS’s most gifted communicator

  • Martin Plackard’s week: Monday
    30 January 2020

    First in an occasional series of glimpses into a typical week in the life of Martin Plackard, the NHS's most influential strategic communicator

  • A quick guide to quick guides
    24 January 2020

    Few of us have time for long documents that take ages to read or a lot of expertise to put together. That’s where quick guides come in.

  • Towards people and impact
    17 January 2020

    This week the Royal Pharmaceutical Society advertised for a head of engagement and belonging. Such titles can be controversial – but not for Martin Plackard, whose CV features a number of leadership roles in the fields of impact, euphemism management and talent delivery.

  • National log-in reset will change everything
    9 January 2020

    This week the Department of Health and Social Care announced a £40m investment to make it easier to log-in to NHS computers. It’s a laudable aim, akin to fitting a keyless entry system to a Ford Anglia to make it go faster.

  • Martin Plackard’s top tips for making a difference in 2020
    3 January 2020

    NHS Blithering’s Martin Plackard MBE was recognised in the new year honours list for services to strategic communications and meaningful engagement. Here he gives his top tips for others who hope to make a very real difference to people, communities and their own career prospects in 2020.

  • My amazing Twitter year – by Matt Hancock
    20 December 2019

    It's been a fantastic year on social media for the secretary of state for health and the other thing. Here it is in very nearly his own words

  • Sustainability and transformation parties: mandatory guidance
    5 December 2019

    As Christmas fast approaches, system leaders are getting ready for so-called sustainability and transformation parties, the highlight of the year for those who enjoy kinky integration with strangers.

  • All the latest health policy news from the general **** campaign
    29 November 2019

    Because purdah is still in force, this week’s **** has been heavily redacted. Here are the main parties’ plans for government as set out in their manifestos. A full unexpurgated version can be obtained from **** Party HQ.

Thursday, 21 November 2019

New outfit more splendidly integrated than ever

The emperor has announced plans for yet another new outfit, amid claims that this one will be even more splendid than the last.

Announcing a refreshed and updated version of the emperor’s wardrobe, a palace spokesman declared that this time it was “confident of complete coverage of his imperial majesty –you definitely won’t be able to see the cracks”.

The emperor’s newer clothes (ENC2) build on the success of his previous outfit, the Five Year Fabulous Vestments, derided by some as flimsy and by others as non-existent.

“The FYFV described our vision of the emperor’s wardrobe. It was never intended as an outfit as such, more a statement of sartorial intent. Those who had accused the emperor of being cloaked in secrecy were among the first to complain of too much transparency. When it comes to imperial fashion, it’s impossible to please everyone,” the palace spokesman said.

Long-term yarn

The new imperial clothing system (ICS) is being fashioned by Simon, a humble tailor with a reputation for stitching up Counting House officials, from a durable material of his own invention known as long-term yarn. This is made from threads of unicorn hair so fine that they fall apart under scrutiny, but which can be used to make dazzling and fantastical garments that appear to last forever when spun with sufficient skill.

The palace has taken the unprecedented step of releasing details of the emperor’s new outfit, which includes a tastefully embroidered topcoat suitable for meaningful collaboration with local authority officials and other commoners, Sustainability and Transformation Pants (STP) – described by the palace as “great strides for taking next steps” – and the Integrated Cod-piece (ICP), an ornate, protective covering for the imperial “place”.

The outfit is completed by patent leather Scalable Shoes built for pace and able to adapt to any footprint, and a magic hat known as the Spending Cap which enables the wearer to do infinitely more with ever fewer gold pieces.

Fashion editor: Julian Patterson


Judy Aldred
Judy Aldred says:
Nov 21, 2019 04:44 PM

Bloody love it!

Dr. Aarti Narayan-Denning
Dr. Aarti Narayan-Denning says:
Nov 22, 2019 09:39 AM

Perfection itself. All that is left to do is for the managers to write the sacred scrolls underpinning the long term yarns. They ought to use unicorn jizz as ink for extreme gravitas and to include the toddler to 10 years age group ie our future.

Anonymous says:
Nov 22, 2019 10:09 AM

Very good. How does mini Matt feel about it? *Hint* more MH's diary please!

Jeff Hudson
Jeff Hudson says:
Nov 22, 2019 10:16 AM

Bang on brilliance.
You only neglected to mention that tinkering tailor Simon has promised to do this larger piece of work with a 20% discount. Most of his seamstresses are now busy trying to find a new job. Unfortunately it seems he's getting shot of the ones that actually own a needle and know how to sow..

pam enderby
pam enderby says:
Nov 24, 2019 12:02 PM

Best ever---I'd vote for JP!

Chris Jackson
Chris Jackson says:
Nov 25, 2019 11:21 AM

Naked brilliance!