MPs act against hate preacher
Britain is considering new measures to combat the global threat posed by mad American billionaires.
The government has drawn up emergency plans to stem the tide of so-called “wealth tourists” following a number of horrific verbal attacks by the radical cleric Don Al Trump, also known as Yeehadi Don.
They include a proposal to tax rich Americans who come to the UK for Christmas shopping or sightseeing trips by forcing them to stay at the Dorchester and shop at Harrods.
Special measures are also being considered to prevent tourists from trying to obtain wigs on prescription from the NHS.
“Many of Al Trump’s followers share his fascination for unconvincing hairpieces. With NHS services already under strain in the run-up to winter, we simply can’t afford to have a load of foreigners coming over here and taking our rugs,” said Jeremy Hunt.
The health secretary said that while no American tourist would be denied access to hair, “any overseas national seeking a new syrup on the NHS would have to pay”.
GPs reacted angrily to suggestions that they would have to police the new system. “We can’t be expected to ask every patient if they’re an American tourist, if they’re wearing a Rolex or if they still have their own hair,” said a spokesman for the Royal College of General Practitioners.
Officials are growing increasingly alarmed at the rise of the so-called United States, where support is growing for Al Trump’s brand of right-wing fundamentalism.
“America didn’t get to be a great country by letting in a bunch of immigrants and religious weirdies,” said Al Trump. “I say send ‘em all back to Plymouth where they came from.”
MPs are debating a complete ban on Americans entering the UK in case one of them turns out to be Al Trump. A plan to station RAF Tornadoes in range of Washington “just to be on the safe side” has not been ruled out.
Foreign editor: NHS Networks
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First one in the office today thank goodness as it means no-one saw me snort coffee out of my nose at the 'unconvincing hairpieces'. Genius!