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Modernising Miss Polly


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Saturday, 22 August 2015

Modernising Miss Polly

Although its origins are obscure, the care plan for Miss Polly's dolly has stood the test of time. Here we consider how it still provides a template for 21st century general practice.

Miss Polly had a dolly who was sick, sick, sick

= A new role of community triage will act to support hard pressed GPs by gate keeping the worried well. Patients will need to be assessed as “serious” or “chronic” before a GP needs to spend their time with them

So she phoned for the doctor to be quick, quick, quick

= Teams of doctors will be required to work 24/7 and be assessed and performance monitored against predefined response times and consultation of no longer than 2 minutes

The doctor came with his bag and his hat

= Medical staff uniforms will be abolished and doctors will be encouraged to wear “civilian clothing” to put patients at ease

And he knocked at the door with a rat-a-tat-tat

= Medical care in the community will see DNAs (did not attend appointment) a thing of the past as the doctor will come to you

He looked at the dolly and he shook his head

= Ultra-rapid diagnosis supported by MD Google will improve throughput of diagnosis and care

And he said “Miss Polly, put her straight to bed!”

= Home treatments and cheaper homeopathy will significantly reduce the financial burden of treatment, drug costs, overprescribing, and patients failing to complete courses of prescribed medicine

He wrote on a paper for a pill, pill, pill

= Dispensed pharmaceutical treatments will be reduced to packet size of no more than 3 requiring short sharp and cheaper interventions

“I’ll be back in the morning yes I will, will, will.”

= Clinical commitments for repeat interventions will be rigorously followed up. With GP visits restricted to patients homes the dated and crumbling primary care estate can finally be sold off by NHS Property Services.

Next week:

Social services strategy uncovered: “Half a Pound of Tuppeny Rice” holds the key to planned reforms…

Guest editor: Dr Rupert Bear

barry fitzgerald
barry fitzgerald says:
Aug 23, 2015 12:29 AM

The version they sing at one of my daughters play groups ends with the line "I'll be back in the morning with my bill, bill, bill. Out of the mouth of babes as they say, whoever they are.

NHS Networks
Julian Patterson says:
Aug 23, 2015 09:55 AM

Certainly has a more plausible ring to it. The doctor in our version has no apparent motive for returning. It still doesn't seem a very efficient away of carrying on when Miss P (or her dolly) could pay by card or take out health insurance.

Magda Moorey
Magda Moorey says:
Aug 23, 2015 12:39 AM

That's the version I know too - a pre-NHS model!

geraint.day says:
Aug 23, 2015 08:56 AM

With regard to the cost-saving proposals involving use of homeopathy, I recommend use of meta-homeopathy, an intervention that I devised a year or so ago. It extends the homeopathic premise that the most efficacious potion is that in which not one molecule of the original active ingredient remains. In meta-homeopathy the treatment protocol is to prepare the homeopathic dose and then ensure that it is NOT administered to the patient. Ever.

Julian Patterson
Julian Patterson says:
Aug 23, 2015 10:03 AM

Your meta-medication proposal could save the NHS £12bn if we reduced recommended doses of everything to zero.

geraint.day says:
Aug 23, 2015 10:28 AM

I have stopped short of the unethical proposal that hospitals run people through fancy looking bits of physics laboratory hardware that just have flashing lights, with such labels as 'IRM scanner', 'TAC scanner' and the like, as 'diagnostic tools'. It would save lots on the electricity bills and cut down on thf absolute numbers of false positives and false negatives, to be sure. Although I'll leave the boxes of disconnected circuits to the Scientologists and other charlatans.