150,250 members

Skip to content. | Skip to navigation


In the consulting room (revisited)


Blog headlines

Friday, 27 January 2012

In the consulting room (revisited)

Receptionist: The doctor has a window in his diary if you’re quick. Go right in.

Man: Good morning, doctor.

Doctor: I don’t have long, I’m afraid. I have a board meeting in five minutes.

Man: Nice consulting room. Is that a Degas?

Doctor: What can I do for you?

Man: You told me to come back for a check up. You remember I was having trouble with my reforms.

Doctor: Oh, yes, that. How’s it going?

Man: Fine. Never better.

Doctor: Last time I saw you were worried about whether people were people fully behind you.

Man: Not any more. Dorrell is right behind me.

Doctor: And the stabbing pain in your back…?

Man: Getting worse, if anything. 

Doctor (turning to screen): We did a hearing test last time you were in and I recommended a course of treatment.

Man: I’ve been doing the listening exercises you gave me.

Doctor: And did they help?

Man: The press office seems to think so.

Doctor: Yes, and I see from your notes that Dr Field is quite pleased with your progress. I believe you also had a few difficulties passing solids.

Man: Not really. I thought I might have a blockage in the upper chamber but everything is going through nicely now.

Doctor: How are you getting on with your diet?

Man: I’ve cut back on everything. I’m about seven billion pounds lighter than when I last saw you.

Doctor: You need to be careful you don’t go too far. You need enough in your system to keep going.

Man: Don’t worry, I’m consuming a lot less but eating more in real terms. 

Doctor: I’m afraid that doesn’t make sense.

Man: That’s because you’re only a doctor.

Doctor: Was there anything else?

Man: No, I think that’s everything. 

Doctor: There seems to be quite a lot wrong. I’m very tempted to refer you to St David’s.

Man: I think you’ll find that St Dave’s has been reconfigured. 

Doctor: You mean closed?

Man: No, just moved to a more appropriate location and integrated with a more viable facility. 

Doctor: Where’s that then?

Man: I don’t think you’ve decided yet.

Doctor: I’m afraid we’re out of time. You’ll see a bill from me in due course.

Man: And you’ll keep seeing mine. I’ll see myself out.

Doctor: I certainly hope so. Good day.

fairhj says:
Jan 27, 2012 11:04 AM
Best yet, or is it all going down the pan?
fjp7654321@gmail.com says:
Jan 28, 2012 12:45 PM
We all wish the Health Secretary would see himself out. Never mind, the BMA and nurses will probably do it now that he's decided the best diplomatic tactic is all-out war!