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In the consulting room: a mild case of GDPR

 
Friday, 27 April 2018

In the consulting room: a mild case of GDPR

In which we establish an evidential link between data protection legislation, headaches and depression in general practice...

GP: What can I do for you today, Mrs Smith?

Patient: How did you get my name?

GP: The receptionist told me before she buzzed you in

Patient: I don’t remember giving her permission to share my details with a third party

GP: It’s her job to tell me who you are

Patient: She didn’t obtain my explicit consent

GP: It was probably an oversight, madam

Patient: Madam? Why is my gender relevant?

GP: It may or may not be. It depends why you’re here

Patient: Well, I’ve not been feeling myself recently

GP: I see. I understand you’ve been having a lot of headaches

Patient: And you obtained that information how, exactly?

GP: It’s all on your health record

Patient: Did I consent to this use of my data?

GP: We need the information to treat you

Patient: Where is that made clear in your privacy policy? The receptionist never mentioned it. She just sent me in

GP: She may have presumed that if you made an appointment, came to the surgery and sat in the waiting room for half an hour that you wanted to see a doctor

Patient: You can’t rely on presumption. I should have been given a clear opt-in

GP: Do you want to see me or not?

Patient: That’s my business. I’m not obliged to disclose a preference either way

GP: This is ridiculous. We’re getting nowhere here

Patient: What are you writing about me? I demand to see it

GP: I’m writing a prescription. Take it to the pharmacy and they’ll give you something that will help

Patient: That’s outrageous. The pharmacist may be able to identify me

GP: We’re going round in circles

Patient: What are you going to do about my headaches?

GP: They’re perfectly normal. You’re suffering from a mild case of GDPR. It may seem painful now but you should make a full recovery by early June

Patient: So I don’t need to do anything?

GP: No, just get plenty of rest and try to avoid processing any sensitive data

Patient: Thanks for putting my mind at rest, doctor

GP: Why are you using my professional title when it isn’t relevant to your stated use of my data?

Patient: I’m very sorry

GP: Don’t mention it – you have a right to be forgotten. Would you mind opting yourself out?

Data controller: Julian Patterson

@jtweeterson
julian.patterson@networks.nhs.uk

 
Anonymous says:
Apr 27, 2018 09:34 AM

Doing the right thing and victim-hood re-defined

1. At the Lost Property office, Paddington:

Passenger: Hi, I found this NHS laptop on the 07:47 from Swindon
Lost property guy: Well thank-you for bringing it in, sir, I’m sure whoever has lost it will be glad to get it back
Passenger: Actually, I only came in to ask directions to the nearest tabloid newsdesk


2: At the scene of the burglary

Man : What a terrible, terrible mess.
Lady: I want to cry, so horrible to think someone’s broken in and been all through our things.
Man: I think all they’ve taken is my laptop. [ding dong!] That must be the police – that was quick you only ‘phoned a couple of minutes ago.
Lady: I think my necklaces, the ones from Auntie Alice have gone as well. [opens the front door] Hello. Thank goodness you’ve come. I hope you can catch whoever has done this.
IC#1: Good evening madam, we have a report of a burglary at this address.
Lady: Yes, look this is where they must have got in
IC#2: All in good time, madam, I’m sure the police will want to look at that. Has anything of value been taken?
Lady: My husband’s laptop and some jewellery…
Man: Hang on, are you not the police?
IC2: No sir, I expect they’ll be around in a day or two. We’re from the information commissioner’s office. The police will see about your jewellery. Now, sir about this missing laptop.
Man: yes?
IC2: It might be best if you come along with us, sir. Getting your house broken into and your laptop stolen is a very serious matter, you know.

Lawrence Moulin
Lawrence Moulin says:
Apr 27, 2018 10:27 AM

Absolutely brilliant!

By the way how did you get me E Mail address to send this to me?

Sue Kenworthy
Sue Kenworthy says:
Apr 27, 2018 10:53 AM

Best laugh of the morning!

Anonymous says:
Apr 27, 2018 04:19 PM

Hahahahahahahahahaha - psychotic laugh from GDPR hell