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Health shortage hits garage forecourts

 

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Friday, 30 March 2012

Health shortage hits garage forecourts

Hospitals were shut this week amid fears that the NHS could soon run out of healthcare.

Ministers were blamed for causing panic after patients queued for hours at doctors’ surgeries and hospitals warned that supplies of care could dry up at any minute.

The crisis escalated after government claims that doctors were “not entirely happy” were seized upon by journalists, who predicted a full scale strike before Easter. 

Ethel Twee, 86, said: “I saw a lot of people at the local hospital and decided to join the queue just in case.  As it happened, I had a bad fall and got a hip replacement the same day. I feel sorry for the other people who turned out but never got to see a surgeon. I was one of the lucky ones.”

Ministerial sources said that irresponsible actions by ambulance drivers trying to refuel their vehicles meant that questions about the dinners for donors affair would have to wait “until a lot later”. 

“The imminent crisis in fuel supplies makes it difficult to comment on anything at all,” said a spokesman, adding that “it could be awesome for your business if you buy me a pint and a Cornish pastie”, though he warned that the latter would attract VAT in future unless it was allowed to cool before serving.

The government attracted media criticism for suggesting that patients worried about seeing a doctor in the next few weeks should “top up their medication”. A minister proposed that patients could keep emergency blood supplies or vital organs in a jerry can in the garage. 

A representative of the fire brigades union complained that this advice was irresponsible, particularly during a spell of hot weather. 

Nobody sensible was available for comment.

 
mikec
mikec says:
Mar 30, 2012 11:58 AM
Thanks
jtyas
jtyas says:
Mar 30, 2012 12:05 PM
Great I needed that!
vivienne.martindale@champs.nhs.uk
vivienne.martindale@champs.nhs.uk says:
Mar 30, 2012 12:25 PM
All I can say is that you make Friday's worth coming into work for - absolutely brilliant!!
melinda.hewitt@salford.nhs.uk
melinda.hewitt@salford.nhs.uk says:
Mar 30, 2012 12:26 PM
Great - Nearly choked on my lunch through laughing!!!
madeleine.jude@dh.gsi.gov.uk
madeleine.jude@dh.gsi.gov.uk says:
Mar 30, 2012 12:26 PM
Am I furious? I had to queue outside 3 hospitals yesterday before I got my care. Twice I was turned away as they said they had run out. But the people queing looked amply cared for, whereas I was completely running on empty. At the last hospital I really started to panic because I knew if I didn't get the care I nmeeded there I would never make it home. I was fortunate, not only did I get the care I needed I also got a free H--I while I was at it.
sashafoley.dh@gmail.com
sashafoley.dh@gmail.com says:
Mar 30, 2012 12:56 PM
Very funny...! great write up
sarah.russell-sharpe@york.nhs.uk
sarah.russell-sharpe@york.nhs.uk says:
Mar 30, 2012 01:30 PM
Absolutely hilarious!! Part of me feels this probably isn't far from the truth!