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Have a non-urgent day


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Friday, 7 October 2011

Have a non-urgent day

NHS Networks has received a recording of the first ever call to the new NHS 111 service. Here is a transcript.

Operator: Hello, caller. What seems to be the problem?

Caller: I have a non-emergency on my hands.

Operator: Try to stay calm and describe your lack of symptoms.

Caller: I feel very slightly ill at ease. 

Operator: Where exactly is the mild discomfort?

Caller: It’s hard to say. There’s no pain anywhere. I just feel a bit worried.

Operator: Excellent. Where are you?

Caller: Sitting on the sofa, watching the news. It’s all about this new NHS 111 service.

Operator: And what’s your concern?

Caller: I’m worried that it may be a waste of money.

Operator: Would you like to speak to a doctor about it? They’re responsible for the money these days.

Caller: No, really, it’s not important.

Operator: That’s what we’re here for, the unimportant things. Is there anything else?

Caller: I’m a bit confused. What’s this 111 service actually for?

Operator: For non-urgent, round the clock medical care.

Caller: Stuff I could wait for…

Operator: Exactly!

Caller: …Until the doctor’s opens?

Operator: No, much more non-urgent than that.

Caller: Things I wouldn’t even bother going to the doctor for, like a stubbed toe?

Operator: Are you sure it’s not broken? Shall I call you an ambulance?

Caller: It’s okay, I’m speaking hypothetically.

Operator: How long have you been feeling hypothetical? Shall I put you through to the nurse?

Caller: I’m just trying to give you an example.

Operator: Is it serious?

Caller: Not really.

Operator: Good, because if you want to use serious examples you’ll need to dial 999. The 111 service is for time wasters.

Caller: I’m not a time waster.

Operator: Then you’re wasting my time. Come back when you’ve got something more trivial to talk about.

Caller: I’m sorry for bothering you.

Operator: Don’t mention it. Thank you for using the NHS. Have a non-urgent day.


philip@crosson.com says:
Oct 07, 2011 11:16 AM
imogen.morgan@bwhct.nhs.uk says:
Oct 07, 2011 11:24 AM
Honestly i get enough junk emails already.I can do without this.
ytcheung says:
Oct 07, 2011 11:24 AM
Love it!
sarah.james@eppcic.co.uk says:
Oct 07, 2011 11:38 AM
Fantastic! Had a good laugh and tweeted about this.
billie8282 says:
Oct 07, 2011 11:49 AM
So glad we can still see the funny side...:-)
s.cribb@nhs.net says:
Oct 07, 2011 01:15 PM
Wonderful! having just spent ALL morning updating our Business Continuity Plan somebody elses perspective on wasting time sure cheered me up!!
harry.longman@gmail.com says:
Oct 07, 2011 04:03 PM
Acute money is being wasted on chronic conditions, and all we are getting is laughs. Is this the point?
rgjackson says:
Oct 10, 2011 10:58 AM
Brightened my day, but as a CCG Commissioner who will end up paying for this nonesense, somewhat bittersweet.
The NHS might actually work if we could only stop medicalising daily life.
Incidentally, I hope all the 111 workers wear Hi Vis vests.
ricardo.gaudoin@nhs.net says:
Oct 10, 2011 01:00 PM
For the newly astonished we have a new number Oh OH OOOHHH!! (000)
janerubidge@hotmail.com says:
Oct 10, 2011 09:51 PM
Makes what is going on in my LA look perfectly reasonable. What do I pay my NI for? Oh that's right, I don't because I am now officially old - every day I find more things to be said for being old, and now I can add phoning 111 when I am bored. How kind of the NHS to think about the old people - this would be a godsend for the housebound methinks. I do hope this service is still operational when I get to that stage.
armacd@ntlworld.com says:
Sep 28, 2012 02:48 PM

It is a shame that this does not have wider coverage. I love it!