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Glossary of terms: the reforms


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Thursday, 4 August 2011

Glossary of terms: the reforms

One of the by-products of the reforms is a heap of new jargon. We thought you might appreciate a plain English guide.

April 2013: possible date for Easter 2013; see also September 2013, sometime in 2014, never

Authorisation: ideal state or condition due to be reached by Easter

Bottom up: position advocated by the health bill

Clinical cabinet: place to keep old medical artefacts; pointless item of furniture

Clinical commissioning group: novice rock band with imminent national tour and stadium dates; see also sell-out

Cluster: aggregation of fragments, often nuts

Collaboration: obs. collusion with the enemy; mod. term of approbation

Commissioner: someone who buys things

Commissioner, clinical: someone reluctant to buy into things

Health and wellbeing board: operating table

Manager: term of abuse

NHS commissioning board: top-down bureaucracy dedicated to the promotion of bottom-up reform

Outpost: place no one wants to be sent to; relatively pleasant alternative to Leeds

Patient: person in need of improvement or prevention

Pathfinder: individual sent into dangerous situation and not expected to return

Pause: period of reflection for government

PCT: formerly universally loathed organisation, now regarded as rather useful

QIPP: joke about saving money

Sack: period of reflection for manager

Subnational: control centrally from somewhere other than London; euphemism for regional (see SHA, cluster)

Tasteless QIPP: joke at a particularly inappropriate time

Transition: (of institutions) abolition; (of individuals) process of looking for a new job