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‘Results are academic’ claims head of progressive school


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Friday, 1 March 2013

‘Results are academic’ claims head of progressive school

The head of a progressive school has come up with a novel way to make sure that no student ever fails exams. Exam targets have been replaced by a new “outcomes based” approach in which all students are assumed to have passed before they ever turn over an exam paper.

After complaints from parents and governors of St Humbug’s that the previous exam system was too demanding, the new CCG-level has been designed for pupils of all abilities. Instead of “pass” or “fail” students now either “pass” or “pass with conditions”.

Most students at the £65bn a term school had been expected to fail their final exams but under the new system known as “authorisation” the pass rate is expected to soar to 100%.

Headmaster Sir Teflon Radweld believes conventional examinations discriminate against students trying to juggle study commitments with extracurricular interests such as full-time careers in medicine. The “pass with conditions” grade means that students can catch up on any missed studying after they have taken their exams.

“Just because someone isn’t ready for the exam, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t decide to award them the qualification,” argues Sir Teflon. “We already know the outcome we want. All we’re doing is giving them the results early and letting them finish their education in their own time.”

“I’ll be keeping a close eye on them even after they’ve left school,” he joked.

St Humbug’s has extended its progressive approach to careers advice. Sixth formers were earmarked for high-powered jobs running the NHS long before they had decided that’s what they wanted to do.

Sir Teflon says the dramatic turnaround in the school’s academic fortunes testifies to the power of positive thinking.

“At St Humbug’s, the first lesson we teach students in preparing them for the real world is never to tolerate the appearance of failure.”

aitken.petri@btinternet.com says:
Mar 01, 2013 11:17 AM
Brilliant and to the point. Why spend a wad of money training as a doctors when the Dicks in Parliament will give it you for "free". Only, "free" means being shackled to political dogma for the rest of your "professional" career!
anoop.maini@gmail.com says:
Mar 01, 2013 11:33 AM
I think this is my favourite so far! A good mix of humour and reality.
pauline.murphy2@nhs.net says:
Mar 01, 2013 12:09 PM
Marvellous, marvellous, marvellous. Yet another fit of uncontrollable giggling while at my desk, though, people are starting to wonder...
vicky.price@nhs.net says:
Mar 01, 2013 01:24 PM
My Friday is complete. Love it! What a positive leader Sir Teflon is...
nicci.rosengarten@hampshire.nhs.uk says:
Mar 01, 2013 03:58 PM
very clever. sooooo amusing... at least someone understands what's really going on!!!